Women with Pre-Wedding Depression

"It probably wasn’t evident from my blogging and it didn’t affect my job as a nanny, but in my downtime I was apathetic, lonely, pessimistic, melancholy, and just plain sad—that’s how my pre wedding depression manifested. My mom says when we have many changes in our lives our chemical balances can get off, and whether that’s true or not, that’s what I felt. Mr. Sword was traveling every week for work, and I had way too much time to be alone, and to think. I was agonizing about all the upcoming changes in our careers, our location, and our relationship. I was feeling overwhelmed at the responsibilities of being someone’s wife, as I suddenly thought I wouldn’t be enough. And I was scared of failing at, well, everything."

comments:

"You described exactly how I’ve felt so many times! And it is so frustrating to have everyone around you say, “what’s wrong with you? you should be enjoying this!” While I get it, it is immensely stressful and life changing and I think it’s normal to get out of whack as a result! Thanks for this post."

"When I knew I was losing my job last year, I went through something similar — everything just seemed TOO HARD. I’m 7 weeks out from the wedding and possibly 5 months out from a huge life transition, and I can feel that self-doubt and overwhelmed feeling creeping back in. 

I’m letting my partner know what’s going on (instead of shutting down, which I’m prone to doing under stress), keeping my mom in the loop more, and letting go of projects or decisions that I can’t quite face until I’m well-rested, well-fed, and able to focus on one small thing at a time. It is going so much better!

Thanks for writing! Lots of us need to remember we’re not alone in this."

"I agree with a lot of what you’ve said. I feel like a big failure in a lot of ways that wedding planning has brought out. I didn’t lose the weight I wanted, I never had a “dress moment”, I’m out of money for things I think I need, like videographers and flower centerpieces. The whole thing feels too large and showy or at other times, blah and not enough.
To make things worse, this is my absolute worse time at work and probably the most stressed I’ve been in my career.
I’ve always been a bit independent and somewhat commitment-phobic and the whole marriage thing alone is overwhelming. (I totally love my FI, but it’s still scary)
I don’t know what to do, but build a bridge and get over it, so I trudge on!"

"I’m so glad you posted this! I just spent 3 solid days in bed telling my mom and my fiance that I wanted to cancel the wedding. I’ve been feeling so overwhelmed, having nightmares, chest pains to the point I thought I was going to have a heart attack. I’ve been doing so well over the past year and it seems like everything is falling apart during the last 2 months. It makes me feel better to know that I’m not the only one that has had these doubts and there are ways to get past it!"

"omg thank you so very much! I have been feeling the same way and it has put quite the strain on my fiance and I. I’ve been freaking out about why I’ve been so down and depressed and overwhelmed, when everyone else was/is so excited and happy. I appreciate this post so very much. 🙂"

"I feel the need to be perfect and am my own worst critic. I’m not where I want to be weight wise. I’m not where I want to be career wise. There is family drama. I want to throw a good party so that everyone has a good time and I’m worried that they won’t…most likely irrationally so. All of these things have made me feel so down in the dumps."

"I SO needed to read this today, so thank you for posting this! Our wedding is just 9 days away now and I have never felt so depressed. A lot of my friends think this is awful and that I should be beyond ecstatic but I am not.. I was SO excited in the early phases, eager to plan, eager for the big day and while I am still excited to marry my best friend, all these other emotions are making me miserable. I lay in bed hours at night thinking and crying and wake up and don’t even want to get up. Its pathetic.. I moved back in with my parents for the past year while in school and even though I’ve been saying for months how ready I am to move out and need space from them being back in my childhood room, its emotional thinking about leaving for good. I packed up my room last night and was crying my eyes out."

"Seriously….Our wedding i s 2 weeks away and I couldn’t care less. We have been together for 11 years and you think that i would be ecstatic to marry the most wonderful man ever. which, he really is amazing. but….all of the BS that is happening with what seems to be like every person in my life i can’t wait for it all to be over!! I am sad, sick, sleepy, frustrated. i have so many things to do to prepare and am not doing any of them. will this get better?:("

"I’m really glad I am not the only one dealing with these kinds of feelings. My wedding is 16 days away, and I just feel like crawling into my bed and hiding there until the wedding. I have almost no interest in deciding all of the little details that still need to be figured out, and I have just felt so fed up with everything and everyone, and I just want to cry. I’m so excited to finally marry my fiance – I love him so so so very much; but I feel so scared and pressure for what lies ahead too – possibly in part because I am marrying fairly young. I think there are many things that are contributing to this depression, but I don’t know what to do anymore. I wish I could just fast forward to the wedding day. :/"

"Thank you all for coming out about this. So nice to see I am not alone. I am a little over two months out and the depression keeps getting worse. I feel further away from my fiance than ever and I keep getting the urge to cancel and not have anyone waste so much money on flights and hotels and I don’t know if it’s cold feet or depression or what but I am feeling wedding stir crazy stress."

"This thread is balm to my soul. 

Three weeks out from our wedding I find myself for the fourth (fifth? sixth?) night in a row just paralyzed by apathy while my lovely but confused fiancé packs up my apartment because I need to move in but just can’t manage it. 

I too have always prided myself on handling stress well, I love big projects and deadlines…but could not foresee the emotional and relational hailstorm this wedding would be by the end. It definitely feels much more like depression than “bridal stress jitters.” The worst part is the voice of my inner perfectionist saying “it doesn’t matter how you FEEL you need to be getting shit done.” 

Grateful I’m not alone, glad there is a happy light at the end of the tunnel. Yeesh."

"Wow, although so many have gone through this tough time it’s a kind of comfort to knowing not the only one. With just over 3 weeks to go I feel in a crazy state. So sad, crying all the time. I thought it was just hormones but feels as if the whole wedding is sitting like a big weight on my chest.

There is no doubt that I love, and want to marry my fiancé but I feel like everything’s just too much. I haven’t lost enough weight, I’m worried the plans won’t come together, that family and friends might not get on and that people will resent me for not living up their expectations. 

I feel I’m asked constantly, or rather told that I must be excited. I truth I am so far from that. I can’t bear the idea of being looked at and judged and scrutinised. I just want to be able to relax and enjoy this time, but feel sad and lonely and worried."

"I am so glad i bothered to google “pre-wedding depression” and this popped up. I am officially one month to the date and i just want to sleep. I’m overwhelmed with details, under whelmed with the bridal party (we changed best man LAST week). Tired of the FI’s high school friends causing drama… tired of endless questions, to do lists, etc.. Wanting to crawl in a hole. Praying that I can crawl to the finish line and enjoy being married to my best friend."

"Thank you for posting this. I am getting married in 5 months and this is the most depressed I have ever felt in my life. I have the best fiancé I could ask for and I am
Making his life hell just now which makes me feel worse :'( People keep asking about the wedding and I don’t even want to talk about it. I want to run away and arty him in private but everything is paid for. I can’t cope with everyone’s opinions, judgements, comments…. Just everything! I think I am going to look hideous on the day and I can’t bare the thought of people staring at me. I always seem to upset somebody and I wish I had a remote control to make it all stop! I am taking homeopathic medicine to try an avoid antidepressants and although I am feeling better I am still far from 100% So reading your post helps to know tht it does get better."

"I’m so glad I found this. Getting married in July and I am depressed. I love my fiance, and we have been together for five years, engaged for one (will be 1 1/2 when we get married). Every time someone asks “how’s the wedding planning going?” I want to scream even though I know they are just trying to make conversation and be nice. I’m nervous about people staring at me the whole day and I don’t know why I ever thought being the center of attention was a good idea, I just want to elope now!!!

I love my fiance but like a former poster said, everything’s just too much. Wedding planning on top of work, household tasks, trying to maintain a relationship. I just want to hide!!! I feel alone because this “should be the happiest time in my life.” Is it bad that I just want it to be over, even though I love my fiancee more than anything?"

"I’m SO glad I found this post! I am having severe pre-wedding anxiety and depression and I am spiraling because I feel awful about even feeling this way. I *should* be happy and excited, right?? I have felt SO alone, like there’s something really wrong with me . . . and if I tell anyone, they immediately jump to the conclusion that I don’t want to get married. But I do! I love my fiance."