August: Mental Reset

STARTING POINT

When August arrived, I thought gleefully that I would use the turning of the months to enact a new set of principles in my life. I would be more productive, less stressed, lose weight. However, ten days in, I'm afraid to say that I haven't made as much progress as I'd originally hoped.

I still have far too many moments of catastrophe, where the smallest, most seemingly insignificant trigger will launch me into a cyclone of stress. My wedding invitations arrived this morning, and at the prospect of having to finalize the guest list and address the envelopes, I started shutting down. What I experience is half the time like a classic panic attack, and half the time like an inverse panic attack. Rather than breathe faster, speeding up, I start to slow down. I hold my breath. I stop talking. I leave the room, and seek the most immediate source of numbing, whether that be TV or food or when the situation is more extreme, a bottle of wine. Obviously, many people react poorly to stress -- I'm no anomaly. The difference for me is the frequency (daily, often several times) and severity (such that I am late to work, or unable to accomplish the basics like brushing my teeth) with which these attacks of paralysis and panic have been happening. While no one is a stranger to stress and anxiety, mine is taking over my life.

Unfortunately, this pattern is extremely familiar to me. Generally speaking I would argue that I'm in some state of anxiety or depression which is disabling me about 60-70% of the time over the last 5 or 6 years. This year has been challenging, but not as much as in prior years. 

STARTING POINT: Right now, I would say that I'm Struggling but moving into Neutral with some effort after an extremely challenging July, when I was thinking seriously about whether I needed help from antidepressants.

GOALS FOR MONTH 1

1. To improve my overall mood score from approximately a 3-4 to a 6-7 or better. 
2. To increase my energy level so that I can achieve my future goals.
3. To start getting my health issues under control so that I can improve my mood AND energy.

THE METHOD

1. Movement
1. Walk at least 15 minutes after dinner every night, whenever possible.
2. Walk for at least 10 minutes in the morning, every morning.
3. After lunch at work, take a walk for at least 15 minutes. 
4. Do pushups until they can't be done anymore, 3 days per week. 
5. Go to the gym at least once per week.
2. Medication
1. Take Iron, B12, and Thyroid medication every day. 
2. Start taking a multivitamin.
3. Meditation
1. Start meditating at least 10 minutes in the morning, every morning.
4. Hydration
1. Drink 2 large glasses of water in the morning. 
5. Nutrition
1. Minimum of 5 servings of fruits and vegetables per day.
2. Limit 1 small sweet treat per day. (Square of chocolate or a substitute)
6. Ride the Meltdowns
1. When a meltdown is coming, find a quiet spot (like a bathroom, or somewhere outside) and take 5 deep breaths, say a prayer, and think about the bigger picture.
2. Respond to meltdowns with productive self-care: put on comfortable clothes, drink tea, and have a square of chocolate (rather than hitting the self-destruct button)
7. Do It Now
1. If it can be done now, do it now. Don't let it sit and fester.

THE MINDSET

• Imagine my ideal self. Carefree, confident, open-minded, and capable of absorbing stress and responding healthily and productively. Fit and healthy, mind and body.